I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
