Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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