Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
