oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
