Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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