I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
