So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
