He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So. Much. Porn.
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