is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
