I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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