I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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