I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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