She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
did i just pee glitter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
