there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
