I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
