its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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