Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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