i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
