Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
