is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
