Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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