I've blown a few things in my day
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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