i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
