i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
