:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize