My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
