Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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