just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm at about main and main street
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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