At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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