sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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