I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize