My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
