She's JV to your varsity
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
