I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
