i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am one with the molecules
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
