flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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