i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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