paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
