Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
