yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
