i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
