He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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