she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
