I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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