Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
