I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
