My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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