So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
