I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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