The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Boobs speak an international language.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think people are normalizing furries
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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