His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
