do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
