Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
