Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
