So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
