Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
