Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize