ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
