bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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