at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
