Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
