Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im six kinds of drunk right now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
