last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
