would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
