There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
