There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
