Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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