Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
