So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
