I am full of burrito and curiosity
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
