i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
