She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
