you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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