I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
