he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize