I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
