Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
People in love make me want to vomit
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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