The maid of honor just puked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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