They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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