I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
