The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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