Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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