I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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