went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
