who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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