i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
