i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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