Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
