Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
