I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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