i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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