I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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