Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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