I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
