M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
