I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
