just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
