It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
