I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize