I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Little spoons don't ask big questions
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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