You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize