at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
