you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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