On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
