is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
me + whiskey = a bad person
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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