I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
