I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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