If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
